Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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