Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
