remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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