I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
