ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
