if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
