I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
