She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My ATM looks so different sober.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
