Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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