My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We are two peas in an std pod
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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