i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
