Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
