I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
