ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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