dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
