I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
