Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
