Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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