i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
