I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
