Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
