dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
