woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
