kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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