my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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