Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
