he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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