My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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