Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
