i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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