I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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