Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
