Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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