He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
