I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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