maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
