and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
