Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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