I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
