hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
