i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
