Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
