I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how can u be prego again
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
