hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
