just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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