i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
