never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
