I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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