I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
