I could make wine with my vomit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
