you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
