She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
