I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
