would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
