Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
