So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
