I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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