is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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